Grieving for the loss of a loved one, whether by death or separation is like being injured in an accident. Some injuries are life threatening and deep, others may be painful, yet not as deep. Everyone feels it the same and differently, both.
In grieving, I can only reflect on my own experience. My healing will take place in my own time and way.
When grieving the separation of my husband and I, I focused on myself. What was I missing that the other fulfilled? It was a focus I could work with. I could fill it myself. With help from my friends.
In grieving the death of my son, it is different. It is like a deep wound that only time, love, patience, rest and living through it with a commitment to life can begin to heal… to the point where, there may some day be, an acceptance of the wound being something I carry throughout my life.
Like a wound, I must tend to it carefully. Allow it to be and change my plans when I notice the actions that tear it open before it is ready to be moved that way.
It is some heavy weight to carry around when life asks me to go on.
What can a friend do for me? Wait and be a witness. The presence and love of a friend is all that is needed. Trust that I will heal in time. Do not disturb the wound by offering unasked for assistance. Know that you will know what to do, when it is time to do it.
Do not worry. For worry infects the wound and the relationship. Be at peace within your own self and your presence, either in person or from far away, will be a light for this wounded warrior to find her way back to living in that peaceful place too.
Let go of expectations. We expect so many conflicting things from the broken hearted. Know that all will heal – or not – and that only my own soul knows the path I must walk.
